Gay bathhouse etiquette
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It was while working at one of the oldest black community-based organizations fighting HIV in the country that I learned the importance of going into the community and becoming a familiar face people saw.
From the front desk, you’ll usually head straight into a locker room/changing area, complete with showers. I also realized how important is is to acknowledge subcultures like ballroom, leather, kink, bathhouse—bringing testing into these worlds and building trust with the people in them.
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LOVE, BEASTLY
This may sound silly, but... Public play is not an invitation to participate — it is, at most, an invitation to watch, and you should even stop that if they ask.
People often fail to grasp this.
Although people don’t tend to talk, there’s never any harm in saying a simple ‘Hi’ to someone who catches your attention. Testing there also allowed people who may never come to a clinic for treatment take a vested interest in their sexual health. The client was also required to do an anal swab (that they did themselves), and I conducted the final swab, which was oral, to detect any other STDs.
European establishments are often bigger than their U.S. counterparts. Abstinence-only sex ed, which has been proven time and time again an ineffective teaching method, is still a very large part of the conversation for much of the country. Leave it in your locker or cabin.
Do not try to make it happen with someone who has not given you an affirmative “yes,” head nod, or some other physical action indicating interest.
Basically, don’t be one of those grabby guys who seem to think that, by being there, everyone is free to touch. Some people like to watch. Twice a week, I would take my traveling screening kit—including HIV, Hep C, gonorrhea and chlamydia tests—to a local bathhouse.
Remember, you don’t have to have sex with anyone. It used the pandemic to undergo a top-to-bottom refurbishment. Many venues offer reduced-price admission for those under a certain age to boost the number of younger patrons, while some will offer themed nights aimed at certain people, such as bears. A sex club is not a bathhouse: most gay sex clubs do not have pools or jacuzzis, and you are not expected to get wet in them, so you don’t walk around in a towel.
Both typically have some private bathrooms and may have some private or semi-private spaces to play (have sex).
Sometimes gay men simply suffer this annoyance when there’s no other option. In fact, much of the action takes place within private cabins. The most annoying part of these spaces is the people who try to involve themselves when you are trying to focus on someone and are having a hot session just between the two of you.